Pentecost Season

"The resurrection does not replace the cross and thereby lead us into triumphalism . . . rather, it vindicates the the cross and leads us into humble service. It demonstrates to us that God's ways (often unpredictable, counter-cultural, beyond our comprehension and control) will finally triumph. Living this truth, however, requires patience, humility, and self-denial . . . even as we pursue our dreams, passions, and sense of calling in the world." Patrick Franklin June 16 2011

Alive - Folly of God poster by Sieger Köder Code:73SK15

http://www.pauline-uk.org/product.asp?id=2066

 These words of my son in law, in a letter to my dad the other day, brought me back to  that resurrection morning with the disciples. I am drawn again and again to the events before the cross, at the cross and then resurrection this season of Pentecost. 

Peter, James and John have seen beyond the veil on the mount of Transfiguration as they beheld the glorified Jesus talking with Moses and Elijah. Pentecost has come and the disciples have seen, touched and heard their Master.They have been empowered to spread  the good news of Jesus, God's son, given to us,- God's supreme love, to bring us into intimate relationship with Him- as  the Holy Spirit descended on them with tongues of fire.
These men -and Mary not long past, were at the tomb, wondering what happened... Ordinary people like you and me.  Each touched by agony of the moment. As I ponder this, I wonder, Who am I?
Peter who saw? 
John who believed?
-or Mary who wept, waited, searched and then went to tell?
Above all, there is humility in their agony- the agony of the resurrection. It seems all good things do not come without pain and humility.

Sometimes I feel like I have been in that agony of the resurrection all my life. That searching , that agony of not finding him- then glimpsing  His resurrection glory and surety of His love in my life. Then- plummeted to the agony again- so that I am not sure - of my love - or the love for me...
At this point, I become Peter who saw the empty tomb and went home.. with his feelings of shame, remorse, and desolation. So I see, and then go on with my life-knowing but not reveling in my Lord's glory of love, and resurrection life.-
.. Thinking... Let's get on with it - knowing, (-or rather, thinking I know) in my head what I must do, - desiring in my heart sooo longingly,  --- but at the same time, shutting off my hurting spirit. What must Peter have felt as he looked int the tomb, knowing he had denied His Lord 3 times before his death, after vehemently saying he would never do such a thing.... He probably wanted to run and hide- get away from it all...


Mary knew her limitations, was not afraid of them and lived in the "now" of her feelings.... knowing with a surety that she had been loved and healed but still, in the depths of  agony of not knowing what came next...

Peter and John did not want to... what-- humble themselves?  to face their agony. They went home. Mary stayed and cried out her agony. 
So often I pick up my socks - seeing and believing- but then I run home to safety, so I don't have to think anymore on my agony---put up the barriers and false strength to go on.


So today Lord, I am staying and being Mary- wishing with all my heart - to hang on to you.

Stay, rest in the moment. No getting up 

to run to security and denial.

Stay, till the work is done. 

Deep deep pain-- 

Brings more than abundant joy.

Flashes of joy, Glimmers of glory

Along the road.

And along the road ...

I meet ...God's fishermen!